I Refuse to Answer

I'm no longer going to answer a certain question that often gets posed to me. The question of how I know I'm gay if I've never had sex. Half the time this question is some attempt to convince me that I have the potential to be "cured", and sometimes it's posed to me by men who want me to have sex with them to validate my position. I'm refusing to answer this question in the future, and this blog post will be my final explanation of the subject.

Homosexuality, like heterosexuality and bisexuality, refers to sexual orientation, not sexual practice. The act of sex often has nothing to do with whether we're attracted to the other person (or persons). The horror stories of what goes on behind prison walls is not about orientation, but about control, dominance, and a breaking down of people's higher instincts to their basic animal needs. Let's face it, there are a lot of people, particularly males of our species, who have sex just to "get off".

This is why I don't believe those evangelical Christian claims that gay people can be "cured" through Christ. Gay people can have sex with people of the opposite sex without being the least bit attracted to them. That doesn't make them any less gay. What that does make them, however, are people who lie to themselves. I will note that the exception is for people who are bisexually-inclined, but even then I can't imagine that their attraction to the same sex can be turned off with a magical Bible switch.

I claim homosexuality for myself because I have never been physically attracted to women. Not once in the almost 28 years of my existence. I've also been in groups with women of all physical types and personalities, and not once have I had a physical attraction to any of them. Conversely, I have been very physically attracted to several men with certain physical types and features. Does that sound like I'm in any way uncertain of my preferences?

My choice to not have sex at this time is my own business. I'm not less gay for making that choice.