I don't know if I want to scream or cry, so I'm at that shaking fidgety stage between both. My sister is staying here, again. She had another manic episode and her boyfriend sent her "home". The problem being that this isn't her home anymore. They made a choice to be together, to have a child for the Gods' sakes! When adults go through rough times in their relationship, they don't send their partners away. When you have a baby you can't just turn your relationship on and off when things go downhill. My nephew's in the NICU, grow the fuck up already!
I hate that she can come in here like a hurricane and turn my world upside down like that. The asshole also kept calling her, all through the night, just to argue! Other people live in this house, and some of us need all the sleep we can get without the phone ringing every 15 minutes or so. She's also staying in my brother's room. Just because he's at college doesn't mean the room is free. She still has her own bedroom here, small though it is.
More wonderful news. My half-assed uncle called today to tell us that my grandmother's health is getting worse. She's going through dementia, and has taken to wandering around, and is also seeing things. He wants my parents to watch her while he's at work during the night. They're going to alternate nights between them. I don't know how that's going to work out.
I'm also scared to death of losing my grandmother, even though I really haven't been close to her in about five years. It had a lot to do with my uncle moving into her house at that time I think. She practically raised me though. I have dreams about that old house across the street where she lived. That was my first home, and after we moved to this house I spent just about every weekend of my childhood there with her and my grandfather. Her new house was ok, but I just don't have that emotional attachment to it. I guess I see the new house as the place my grandfather's health started to decline in. It got to the point where he couldn't remember us. He called my niece by my sister's name when she went to visit him.
We told my uncle after my grandfather passed away that my grandmother needs a nurse, or to be in a nice retirement home where she can be looked after properly. We tried to look after her for a couple months, but it became too much even for us. No, he wanted to take care of her so he could still live in her house, and have easy access to her money and what my grandfather left her. Fucking burnt-out 50-year-old child. Seriously, he's 50 years old and has no money of his own because he's always investing in get-rich-quick schemes. If he just stops wasting away his money he would have a lot of it by now.
I wanted to drink tonight, and was very tempted to finish off my half bottle of absinthe while I was at my friend's house. I didn't though. Someone here needs to keep their head on straight. Why is it always me though? I guess I wasn't born with that impetuous bone in me. More's the pity sometimes.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
A Prayer In the Face of Tragedy
Poseidon Pelagaeus, Lord of the Sea. Poseidon Laoites, Lord of the People. Poseidon Gaieokhos, Holder of the Earth. The foundations have been shaken and the sea brought to turmoil. I make offerings of water and salt in thanks for your blessings, and in thanks for the lessons that the tempestuous seas have taught. I ask that comfort be brought now to those who have felt the shaking of the Earth. May they find the stability to continue with their lives, and may the generosity of their fellow mortals bring them the aid they need.
Hades Polydektes, Receiver of Many Guests. I offer you libations of oil for the comfort of those who have been taken by the Earth. Solemn Host of Many, may you see to their needs in your realm below, and may they find peace.
Hades Polydektes, Receiver of Many Guests. I offer you libations of oil for the comfort of those who have been taken by the Earth. Solemn Host of Many, may you see to their needs in your realm below, and may they find peace.
Here's to You, Mr. Robertson
Pat Robertson brushed off the recent tragedy in Haiti, claiming that they've been cursed for making a deal with the devil for their independence. This person has also claimed that the September 11th attacks are the result of Pagans, gays, and abortionists; and that the Hurricane Katrina tragedy was the result of God's anger against abortion.
To you, Mr. Robertson, I owe this rant.
I take as my text that well-known but little-heeded verse from the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 25: "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these, my brethren, you did for me'". This continues to verse 45: "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me'".
This, my friends, is the heart of Christianity. This is compassion, and recognition of the divine in others. Love is what Christ preached, not hate. "Judge not, lest you also be judged" were his words.
Where is this spirit of compassion in modern day Christianity? I say those who preach hate and judgement are not following the will of Christ. They are following that weakness in their own human ego that makes them want to feel better about themselves by condemning others that are different.
I am not Christian, but my love of the compassion found in the teachings of Jesus is profound. My heart is gladdened when I see Christians keeping the message of love in their hearts. They know what their scripture calls of them. They know that compassion and charity are the foremost commandments given to them.
Why can't all Christians put aside this hateful judgement and be more Christ-like?
To you, Mr. Robertson, I owe this rant.
I take as my text that well-known but little-heeded verse from the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 25: "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these, my brethren, you did for me'". This continues to verse 45: "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me'".
This, my friends, is the heart of Christianity. This is compassion, and recognition of the divine in others. Love is what Christ preached, not hate. "Judge not, lest you also be judged" were his words.
Where is this spirit of compassion in modern day Christianity? I say those who preach hate and judgement are not following the will of Christ. They are following that weakness in their own human ego that makes them want to feel better about themselves by condemning others that are different.
I am not Christian, but my love of the compassion found in the teachings of Jesus is profound. My heart is gladdened when I see Christians keeping the message of love in their hearts. They know what their scripture calls of them. They know that compassion and charity are the foremost commandments given to them.
Why can't all Christians put aside this hateful judgement and be more Christ-like?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Organization Blues
I slept for twelve hours last night/this morning and woke up feeling very guilty because there were things I wanted to get done. Usually, I can get by on maybe four to five hours of sleep. Being a light sleeper isn't all its cracked up to be. Last night I was just physically exhausted, and as soon as I hit my bed I crashed.
I had wanted to get some organizing and cleaning done. That's one of my 2010 themes, organization. I still have empty boxes from the holidays in my room that I want to break down and toss into the recycle bin for next Thursday. There are a few I have to keep to store books though, because I have exceeded my shelf-space once again. I also have three new hardcover books that were given to me as gifts, which I adore but just don't have the space for.
I also need to get other people's shit out of my bedroom. Three years ago, my bedroom became a storage area for furniture that needed to be moved out of the way when we took my sister in. I have a large rocking chair and ottoman that really belong in the living room once my sister reclaims the stuff she left here. She has a rocking chair that is plastered with notes and printed text messages between her and her ex. It was one of those cute wedding presents that became the bane of our existence after the divorce. I would love to take an axe to the damned thing and put our family rocking chair back in its place, and out of my bedroom.
I also have an elliptical machine in my bedroom that needs to be put together so I can actually use it. That's a piece of equipment that had been dragged out of the basement during the move. I offered to take it because I had wanted to use it, not realizing how much other crap I was going to be getting. Now it's in a corner of the room gathering dust. I can't even get to my altar space due to holiday boxes, and I've been doing devotionals at the bookcase. Sad.
Hopefully this weekend will allow me more time to spend organizing things a bit. I also need to get rid of these blasted curtains. They're hideous, and actually came with the house that I've lived all but a year of my life in.
Things have got to change, and nobody else is going to do it for me. Here's to comfort and organization in 2010.
I had wanted to get some organizing and cleaning done. That's one of my 2010 themes, organization. I still have empty boxes from the holidays in my room that I want to break down and toss into the recycle bin for next Thursday. There are a few I have to keep to store books though, because I have exceeded my shelf-space once again. I also have three new hardcover books that were given to me as gifts, which I adore but just don't have the space for.
I also need to get other people's shit out of my bedroom. Three years ago, my bedroom became a storage area for furniture that needed to be moved out of the way when we took my sister in. I have a large rocking chair and ottoman that really belong in the living room once my sister reclaims the stuff she left here. She has a rocking chair that is plastered with notes and printed text messages between her and her ex. It was one of those cute wedding presents that became the bane of our existence after the divorce. I would love to take an axe to the damned thing and put our family rocking chair back in its place, and out of my bedroom.
I also have an elliptical machine in my bedroom that needs to be put together so I can actually use it. That's a piece of equipment that had been dragged out of the basement during the move. I offered to take it because I had wanted to use it, not realizing how much other crap I was going to be getting. Now it's in a corner of the room gathering dust. I can't even get to my altar space due to holiday boxes, and I've been doing devotionals at the bookcase. Sad.
Hopefully this weekend will allow me more time to spend organizing things a bit. I also need to get rid of these blasted curtains. They're hideous, and actually came with the house that I've lived all but a year of my life in.
Things have got to change, and nobody else is going to do it for me. Here's to comfort and organization in 2010.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Will You, Won't You Join The Dance?
A festival to Dionysus is coming up, and I've been pondering how to go about reconstructing it, or at least adapting it to my situation. This is one of those tricky festivals because it had such a public involvement. I'm thinking of buying a couple bottles of wine and watching comedies with friends, since the theatre really isn't an option right now. I'm working on a hymn to honor the rebirth of the God of wine. Which reminds me, I need to start working on my friends' wedding ceremony. I also want to start making wine again. Shit! Where's my "to do" list?
Today was one of those ho-hum days. My friends and I called it a night earlier than usual because we were all so exhausted. The Korean spicy chicken noodles were very tasty though. I'll have to remember that the next time we go to the store.
I've been feeling an urge to walk to the park, which is a bit crazy because the wind is like ice daggers outside and I've been fighting a cold that just won't quit.
Note to self: buy a decent eyelid primer. I hate when my shadow creases and fades at the end of the day. I'm breaking social taboos by wearing it as it is, and I don't want it to look messy.
I posted information about the festival on the forum I moderate. I'm hoping someone somewhere takes something from it.
There are days when I feel like I'm the only Hellenist in the world, then I go to a Hellenismos forum and wish I was. There's no need to blast other spiritual paths, or quote Plato as if he's the author of some sacred scripture. The "you either practice/have this worldview or you aren't one of us" also really bugs me. The stance on gay marriage bugs me as well. Yes, I know the ancients didn't see homosexual relationships in the light of "sacred marriage", even if they were ok with those relationships in practice. The ancients also saw marriage as a property-exchange between father and husband. There are some parts of the ancient worldview that just need to be adapted to what we know now. People no longer marry for breeding purposes. I don't see what the big deal is about gay people not being able to have a Hellenic religious marriage, even though the community is in favor of a secular union.
I want to start writing again, but lately haven't felt the motivation to do so. I miss the darling creatures of my creative process. Particularly Evan, even though he doesn't want to listen. I envy that sarcastic charming bastard sometimes, especially his ability to say what he feels and still be laid back about it. Of course those qualities are also buried in me somewhere, or he wouldn't have them at all.
Well, I should try to get some sleep. Being a walking zombie throughout the day may be humorous to others, but it sure ain't pretty.
Today was one of those ho-hum days. My friends and I called it a night earlier than usual because we were all so exhausted. The Korean spicy chicken noodles were very tasty though. I'll have to remember that the next time we go to the store.
I've been feeling an urge to walk to the park, which is a bit crazy because the wind is like ice daggers outside and I've been fighting a cold that just won't quit.
Note to self: buy a decent eyelid primer. I hate when my shadow creases and fades at the end of the day. I'm breaking social taboos by wearing it as it is, and I don't want it to look messy.
I posted information about the festival on the forum I moderate. I'm hoping someone somewhere takes something from it.
There are days when I feel like I'm the only Hellenist in the world, then I go to a Hellenismos forum and wish I was. There's no need to blast other spiritual paths, or quote Plato as if he's the author of some sacred scripture. The "you either practice/have this worldview or you aren't one of us" also really bugs me. The stance on gay marriage bugs me as well. Yes, I know the ancients didn't see homosexual relationships in the light of "sacred marriage", even if they were ok with those relationships in practice. The ancients also saw marriage as a property-exchange between father and husband. There are some parts of the ancient worldview that just need to be adapted to what we know now. People no longer marry for breeding purposes. I don't see what the big deal is about gay people not being able to have a Hellenic religious marriage, even though the community is in favor of a secular union.
I want to start writing again, but lately haven't felt the motivation to do so. I miss the darling creatures of my creative process. Particularly Evan, even though he doesn't want to listen. I envy that sarcastic charming bastard sometimes, especially his ability to say what he feels and still be laid back about it. Of course those qualities are also buried in me somewhere, or he wouldn't have them at all.
Well, I should try to get some sleep. Being a walking zombie throughout the day may be humorous to others, but it sure ain't pretty.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Taking Flight
Inspired by a good friend, I've created this blog to house and organize the ramblings of my mind.
Let me first begin with an introduction. I was born in June of 1982, which makes me as old as any other person born that year, yet I'll only admit to 21. The oldest of my parents' children, I have two younger siblings and a niece and nephew. I'm an ordained priest following a Hellenic (Ancient Greek) spiritual path, and also a baker, writer, activist, mehndi artist, soap-maker, event-planner, receptionist, and advisor. Three cheers for a short attention span!
Let me also say that I am homosexually-inclined. It's a bit funny how this one thing that feels so natural to me would also be one of the most complicated aspects of my life. If this fact offends you, then by all means stop reading immediately. I do not wish to inflame such tender sensibilities, yet as this is my blog I am going to talk about things going on in my life and this happens to be one of them.
I live in Baltimore, Maryland in the United States. I was born here and grew up here. It's by no means a paradise, but I'm comfortable enough at present. I would like to live outisde the city someday, but for now it is convenient that most of my needs are within walking distance.
Now that I got all that business out of the way, let the blogging commence.
Let me first begin with an introduction. I was born in June of 1982, which makes me as old as any other person born that year, yet I'll only admit to 21. The oldest of my parents' children, I have two younger siblings and a niece and nephew. I'm an ordained priest following a Hellenic (Ancient Greek) spiritual path, and also a baker, writer, activist, mehndi artist, soap-maker, event-planner, receptionist, and advisor. Three cheers for a short attention span!
Let me also say that I am homosexually-inclined. It's a bit funny how this one thing that feels so natural to me would also be one of the most complicated aspects of my life. If this fact offends you, then by all means stop reading immediately. I do not wish to inflame such tender sensibilities, yet as this is my blog I am going to talk about things going on in my life and this happens to be one of them.
I live in Baltimore, Maryland in the United States. I was born here and grew up here. It's by no means a paradise, but I'm comfortable enough at present. I would like to live outisde the city someday, but for now it is convenient that most of my needs are within walking distance.
Now that I got all that business out of the way, let the blogging commence.
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