Shaking to the Core of My Soul

I don't know if I want to scream or cry, so I'm at that shaking fidgety stage between both. My sister is staying here, again. She had another manic episode and her boyfriend sent her "home". The problem being that this isn't her home anymore. They made a choice to be together, to have a child for the Gods' sakes! When adults go through rough times in their relationship, they don't send their partners away. When you have a baby you can't just turn your relationship on and off when things go downhill. My nephew's in the NICU, grow the fuck up already!

I hate that she can come in here like a hurricane and turn my world upside down like that. The asshole also kept calling her, all through the night, just to argue! Other people live in this house, and some of us need all the sleep we can get without the phone ringing every 15 minutes or so. She's also staying in my brother's room. Just because he's at college doesn't mean the room is free. She still has her own bedroom here, small though it is.

More wonderful news. My half-assed uncle called today to tell us that my grandmother's health is getting worse. She's going through dementia, and has taken to wandering around, and is also seeing things. He wants my parents to watch her while he's at work during the night. They're going to alternate nights between them. I don't know how that's going to work out.

I'm also scared to death of losing my grandmother, even though I really haven't been close to her in about five years. It had a lot to do with my uncle moving into her house at that time I think. She practically raised me though. I have dreams about that old house across the street where she lived. That was my first home, and after we moved to this house I spent just about every weekend of my childhood there with her and my grandfather. Her new house was ok, but I just don't have that emotional attachment to it. I guess I see the new house as the place my grandfather's health started to decline in. It got to the point where he couldn't remember us. He called my niece by my sister's name when she went to visit him.

We told my uncle after my grandfather passed away that my grandmother needs a nurse, or to be in a nice retirement home where she can be looked after properly. We tried to look after her for a couple months, but it became too much even for us. No, he wanted to take care of her so he could still live in her house, and have easy access to her money and what my grandfather left her. Fucking burnt-out 50-year-old child. Seriously, he's 50 years old and has no money of his own because he's always investing in get-rich-quick schemes. If he just stops wasting away his money he would have a lot of it by now.

I wanted to drink tonight, and was very tempted to finish off my half bottle of absinthe while I was at my friend's house. I didn't though. Someone here needs to keep their head on straight. Why is it always me though? I guess I wasn't born with that impetuous bone in me. More's the pity sometimes.